Yet another year passes!

Well as the title says it has been yet another year since I last blogged and yet again a lot has gone on.

Where to start?

Well since my last post I have finished my councelling and feel 'normal' most of the time.

That is apart from now which I will go into later.

Tirzah is now a beautiful 5 year and has just started in year 1 in primary school. She is really thriving, but also pushing boundaries - is there an age when they don't?

Johns job - well he got settled into it really well and then decided to push a push doors elsewhere and guess what God opened one for us just over 2 months ago, so we are on the move.

We have been here 6 years and that is a record for John!

Where we are moving to is about just over an hour away so not to far for us to visit friends here or for friends to come visit us.

It is still going through the motions of solicitors etc.. but we hope to be moved by October half term or end of October at the latest.

We will miss all of our friends here but it is time.

This is why I am low at the moment.

John has had to start his job before we have completed and is staying with friends - as some of you know I don't cope this well with John being away so for him to be away all week and be around on weekend is tough and if you noticed the time I started this you will see it is nearly 3.30am and haven't been asleep yet. It is only the first night so hope it gets better.

We thought Tirzah would be the one that didn't cope and I would but NO we have a role reversal!

So my biggest prayer at the moment is that everything with the move completes asap and we can be together as a family again or that someone has a house we can house sit for till our new house is ready for us to move into.

On a more happier note my brother and his girlfriend have had their baby - A boy whom they have called Logan William - wasn't sure on Logan but am getting used to it (I can't say anything about unusual children's names!!)

Him and his girlfriend are now engaged and plan on getting married in 2013 - they seem to get on really well so wish them every blessing.

I will not promise to blog more as I always seem to break this promise :-}

xx

A long overdue update

It's been nearly a year since I last blogged and the time has flown by.

It has been a year of ups and downs.

A few months after my last post I had a mini melt down - suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and mild depression - I had a breakdown about 7 & 1/2 years ago and thought after that I never wanted to go back there.
Fortunately, it wasn't as bad and I have wonderful friends and the most fantastic husband in the world who no matter what is thrown at him he copes marvellously.
I thank God for all the wonderful friends and family I have in my life.

I have been receiving councelling which I am near the end of and boy has it helped - my councellor is a wonderful lady who doesn't push me when I don't want to talk, lets me cry all over her and just generally supports and helps me puts things into order. Not once has she said 'it's your mothers/fathers fault' just linked things to a different time in my life.
I am doing a small cleaning job one morning a week and some typing for Johns aunty, which isn't too much pressure and makes me feel as if I am helping out at home.

Tirzah is now 4 years old and a proper girl with a good mixture of a tomboy which makes daddy very happy.
She can be very trying and pushes the boundaries with me, but also can be a very loving girl.
She is now riding her next size bike and is enjoying riding 'off-road' with daddy.
She doesn't go to school till January, so we have 2 more terms at pre-school. Pre-school have said she is ready for school, but as she is a June baby will have to wait.
We are learning letters, numbers and writing, with her doing the leading. She wrote her first word last week and it was mummy - we hadn't even got as far as m and u, but she wrote it just right and just in time for my birthday :-)

Johns job has been a rollercoster in the last year. He was told last October that his job was at risk and would have to re-apply for it. This didn't happen until May this year.
At the same time the team leader position became available and he got it - he is still learning the ropes, but is doing very well.

My brother shocked us about 8 weeks ago - he is going to be a daddy. It wasn't a planned one. He freely admits it was a drunken accident. They are now really pleased and baby is due next March.
He is feeling low a bit with mum not being around and he keeps saying 'mum won't see her grandchild', all I could say was welcome to my world.
I am hoping it will help him grow up a bit and take responsibility seriously. I have stressed that no matter what happens the baby is now the centre of his world and if he and his girlfriend ever split up he HAS to be there for the baby/child and not just in a monetary way.

I am going back to singing this Sunday at Church in the evening. It is a smaller congregation and our musical director V knows exactly where I am coming from with my anxiety etc.. and is very patient with me.

Anyway I will try my best to post more :-}
xx

Holidays nearly over, where has the time gone

Well back again and it is coming to the end of the school holidays - Tiz is back next Monday.
It has gone quite quickly despite the everyday question of 'Can I go to school today?'.
She hasn't really understood why she needs so much time off from school and the difference between being on holiday and going away on holiday.

We had 2 weeks away in the middle of the hols - first week with my aunt (mums sister) and the second in Tenby - a lovely welsh seaside town.
Weather was very kind to us and we only really had 2 miserable days of rain.
We got to go swimming in the sea at Tenby and Tiz has found a whole new confidence of water which she never really had before - so we are really pleased.

My birthday was slap bang in the middle of the two weeks away and John bought me a lovely ring which was part welsh gold and part silver with a white topaz stone.
For the rest of my presents I always get money, so that has gone towards more of my Denby China collection which I am slowly building up.

We had a friends wedding last Saturday and it was lovely. I had the priviledge of lacing the bride in. So thank you K for letting me be a part of your special day.

I went to the hospital for my appointment before the holiday and the consultant decided that he needs to do a laperoscopy to see if it's endometriosis. I haven't had the pain now for 3 months, but he wants to be sure.
I have a day surgery appointment on 28 September. I am very nervous to say the least as it's under general, but I would rather that than being awake.
Please pray it goes well.

When Tiz goes back to Pre-School she goes 3 full days - Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I don't need to find a job, but it would keep me from twiddling my fingers for those 3 days. I qualified as a teaching assistant last year, but here they are cutting ta jobs instead of hiring, so not sure what I will do. Ideas welcome.

Anyway here are a few pics of our summer

On the beach at Bosherton

Eastbourne

Elan Valley

Mwnt

All Calm and Update

Well it's been a while again since last posting.

I have calmed down a lot since my last post and just to say about my brother is that I texted him to say that I would give him his space. All that I am worried about is that if he leaves it too long he will find he won't be able to find the courage to contact us.

We are off to Wales for a long holiday in a couple of days. Firstly to my aunts in Mid Wales, then off to Tenby.
We have got Tiz a wet suit as the sea in Tenby can get really cold and last year after 10 minutes in the sea she started turning blue, but refused to get out.

I am off to gynae tomorrow as my periods are just getting so painful, so much so I am either sick or pass out from the pain - so docs decided I needed checking out.
I am very nervous to say the least. I am worried what they will find.
Our friend E is having Tiz so that John can come with me. We are blessed with such good friends :o)

Tiz has been off for 2 weeks from pre-school and so far she has been really good. When she goes back in September she will be going 3 full days - Mon, Wed & Fri. The pre-school has said she would manage more, so perhaps we will increase after a couple of terms.

I have to find a job - it's not urgent at the moment, but if the right one came about, who knows what will happen.

Exciting news is that Tiz rode her big bike on Sunday for the first time. She has always had a balance bike, (no pedals/stabilisers) so I think that has helped a lot as she can balance really well, all she needed to do was get to grips with pedals and she has.

Anyway will try and get on tomorrow and update as to how I got on at the hospital.

Rach xx

My Brother

Excuse this blog but I have to vent.

It has been 8 weeks since I last heard from my brother. I (and my aunty) have been very worried, the worst things have been going through my mind, seriously injured, even dead and they don't know who to contact etc...

Today after much pestering him by leaving message after message on his work and personal mobile phone, I get a text basically saying he is alright, but doesn't want to be bothered with family at the moment.

This has really upset me partly because I need an explanation why and partly because when mum was dying we promised her we would always be in contact and be there for each other.

I don't know what to say or do - all I have done is texted him back and told him that he has really upset me. So the ball is in his court.

I know we as in dh and I have upset him for being in contact with my father, but he has to realise I only have 1 parent left and he has said sorry for the way he treated us and mum.

My basic instinct is that he needs to grow up and realise he is nearly 27 years old, that he has a very easy life, most of it handed to him on a golden platter and what he is missing out on - A gorgeous little girl, who misses her only uncle and a loving family.

He thinks his friends fill all of this gap and we don't 'understand' him and I know we live very different lives, but I love him and he is my 'little' albeit 6ft 2" brother.

I apologise for this rant, but needed to make some sense of it all.

Rach xx

Letter to my Mum

Dear Mum

It has been nearly 5 years since you left us and not a day doesn't go by when you are not missed.
You were taken from us too early, but I know God had other plans for you.

I never got a chance to tell you how much I love you and to thank you for the great job you did raising me and Jon even through the hard times.
I know we argued, we were both stubborn and at times I didn't make your job easy. You were only watching out for me and caring for me as mums do.

Your grand-daughter Tirzah was 3 yesterday and I am saddened that you will not be around to be the great nanny I know you would be and to see her grow up and blossom into a beautiful young woman with hopes and dreams.
You would be on hand to offer advice when I am struggling with her and when I am being silly to say "Oh Rachel" and oh boy do I need both sometimes.

Even after 5 years I still go to pick up the phone to tell you something exciting, to get some advice or even just for one of our chats, but then realisation sets in and I remember you are not here and I will never be able to share with you, ask your advice or just chat again.

I know you are in a far better place, no longer in pain and are cancer free.

I miss you so much every day and Love you with all my heart.

Love Rach xx

Race for Life, down on the farm and scooting along

I had my mole removed and it went well. It was very sore, but has healed very well and the stitches are out. I haven't had the results, so I am working on no news is good news.

I did my Race for Life yesterday and it was a very hot day. I did it in 40 mins, 10 mins better than last year

Above is a pic of the 4 of us who did the Race.

On Saturday we went to a lovely place called Blackberry Farm with some friends for her sons birthday. We had a lovely day and the 2 kiddies were exhausted.

Here they are feeding some chickens.

Tomorrow we go to one of Tizzie's friends 3rd birthday party. She is the first one of our friends whose little ones who turns 3.

Tizzies birthday is next wednesday, she will be at school for the morning, then dh and I will take her out for dinner. On the Saturday following Tizzie's birthday we will be going to London for the day with dh's parents, aunt, cousin and 1 of Tizzies friends.

After the party tomorrow we go to Dh's parents for a couple of days and then on Friday we go to the New Forest for the weekend.

I will leave you with a very short video of Tiz scooting on her balance bike

See you when we get back :)

Rach xx