It's been nearly a year since I last blogged and the time has flown by.
It has been a year of ups and downs.
A few months after my last post I had a mini melt down - suffering from panic attacks, anxiety and mild depression - I had a breakdown about 7 & 1/2 years ago and thought after that I never wanted to go back there.
Fortunately, it wasn't as bad and I have wonderful friends and the most fantastic husband in the world who no matter what is thrown at him he copes marvellously.
I thank God for all the wonderful friends and family I have in my life.
I have been receiving councelling which I am near the end of and boy has it helped - my councellor is a wonderful lady who doesn't push me when I don't want to talk, lets me cry all over her and just generally supports and helps me puts things into order. Not once has she said 'it's your mothers/fathers fault' just linked things to a different time in my life.
I am doing a small cleaning job one morning a week and some typing for Johns aunty, which isn't too much pressure and makes me feel as if I am helping out at home.
Tirzah is now 4 years old and a proper girl with a good mixture of a tomboy which makes daddy very happy.
She can be very trying and pushes the boundaries with me, but also can be a very loving girl.
She is now riding her next size bike and is enjoying riding 'off-road' with daddy.
She doesn't go to school till January, so we have 2 more terms at pre-school. Pre-school have said she is ready for school, but as she is a June baby will have to wait.
We are learning letters, numbers and writing, with her doing the leading. She wrote her first word last week and it was mummy - we hadn't even got as far as m and u, but she wrote it just right and just in time for my birthday :-)
Johns job has been a rollercoster in the last year. He was told last October that his job was at risk and would have to re-apply for it. This didn't happen until May this year.
At the same time the team leader position became available and he got it - he is still learning the ropes, but is doing very well.
My brother shocked us about 8 weeks ago - he is going to be a daddy. It wasn't a planned one. He freely admits it was a drunken accident. They are now really pleased and baby is due next March.
He is feeling low a bit with mum not being around and he keeps saying 'mum won't see her grandchild', all I could say was welcome to my world.
I am hoping it will help him grow up a bit and take responsibility seriously. I have stressed that no matter what happens the baby is now the centre of his world and if he and his girlfriend ever split up he HAS to be there for the baby/child and not just in a monetary way.
I am going back to singing this Sunday at Church in the evening. It is a smaller congregation and our musical director V knows exactly where I am coming from with my anxiety etc.. and is very patient with me.
Anyway I will try my best to post more :-}
xx
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